What makes you happy??
My answer to that question has changed a lot in the last few years. If you had asked me that five years ago, my answer would have been all about my family being happy.
I was happy when my husband was at home. When my children were getting along. I loved it when I cooked dinner and they all liked it which is still rare. I was happy hanging out with my daughter and grandson. I loved to be asked to help someone. All these things were what made me happy.
Then one night about 5 years ago, it hit me hard. My husband travels a lot. Well, he did before 2020. He normally travels every week. Sometimes one night a week but it could be four nights. My daughter has her own family and spending time with them is important. My son was about to graduate from high school and go to college out of state. What was I going to make me happy once they were not around? How could I be happy when no one needed me on a daily basis? What was my worth if I was taking care of other people’s needs?
That is when I decided I had to find my own happiness within me. Not dependent on others. Yes, I still love all the things that made me happy before but I knew I needed more to make me happy.
I had to learn to be happy when I was completely alone. The type of happiness that you can only find when I came to peace with who and what I am.
That’s when I started my journey. How was I going to find happiness when no one was looking for me to do for them?
What I learned about happiness is it takes more than doing something to be happy.
Happiness for me now comes when I look in the mirror and don’t hate myself. I no longer look for all my faults.
Happiness is deciding to listen to music way too loud and have a dance party of one. I can’t really dance but I move and just laugh at myself for dancing.
Happiness is reading a book. Happiness is allowing my hippie self out.
Happiness is learning to be a peace with who I am.
I still love to help others but happiness is about knowing my worth. I was assigning my worth, happiness, self-esteem to how happy others in my life felt. If I was able to make them happy, I assumed that was enough to make me happy. But what happens when they aren’t happy? Are you no longer allowed to be happy?
There is way too much pressure on others to make you happy when you base your happiness on doing and being there for others. Ya, you heard me. They actually feel the pressure of trying to make you happy. Your children don’t want you to be sad but they also have to live an independent life for their own happiness. As moms, we have raised them to be adults so letting them be independent is good. Yet when they know we are sad because they are independent we create conflict in them!
It’s time to just be happy with who you are without anyone else around!!
If this seems impossible, let’s chat!